can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
