when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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