let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
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