Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Randomize
