I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Is it penis luge time yet?
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
