We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
