I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
You're a disaster
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