put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
