Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
