he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
