I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Randomize
