whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
did i walk over a car last night?
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
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