just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
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