The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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