just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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