On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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