you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
