Plan B is the new Plan A
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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