I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
vagina is talking i cant
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
