i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
