i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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