i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
