why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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