i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
