you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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