i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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