Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
