that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
farters have to be the big spoon...
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
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