i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
