ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Randomize
