Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
