____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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