Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
