an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
