Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
True strength comes from lack of pants
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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