im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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