Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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