Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
