You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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