i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
