8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
There r osticjed everywhere
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
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