don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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