I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I intend to get homeless drunk
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Randomize
