wake up i wanna do it froggy style
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
It's never too late to be topless.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
