Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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