you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
