I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I have already put on my inside pants.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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