The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Randomize
