A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
