He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
