Is it normal to miss your booty call?
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
